My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
