I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
