Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
