she looked like the before picture.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
