i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
