No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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