that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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