he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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