Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
