Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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