im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
