He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
