i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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