im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
