I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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