just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize