dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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