she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
