dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
