i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
