He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
