I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
