That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
