why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
