so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
