I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
