Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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