my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
