I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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