I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
