Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
