She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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