The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
