i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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