question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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