I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
