I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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