i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
