he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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