It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
