Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
FUCK WHALES
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
