I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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