He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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