so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
