Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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