break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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