WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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