Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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