What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
