the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
