i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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