She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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