I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
