One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
