I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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