I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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