Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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