Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment