dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dignity is for republicans.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.