maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
