Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.