i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.