Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.