Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
