I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms