I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
