there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
