So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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