Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
