What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
