I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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