why didn't you poke me back
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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