I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
