Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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