no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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