Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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