yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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