In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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